Robot Chicken: Season WTF!
by HeroSpirit
Summary: One of the lost seasons of Robot Chicken, long ago created by a man named Fred Frederson... no! Just kidding, even if Robot Chicken is property of Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, that doesn't stop the fans from making their own sketches. Here're mine.
1. Episode 1

**The opening theme of "Robot Chicken" plays, and the first scene plays.**

**Screen flashes to two men in a psychiatrist's office**

Psychiatrist: "Ok David, I'm going to show you a series of ink blots, and you just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when you see each one."

David: "You got it doc!"

**Psychiatrist shows David the first ink blot.**

David: "Your momma."

**Psychiatrist gets a little annoyed by that and shoes the next ink blot.**

David: "Your grandmomma."

**Psychiatrist gets a little more annoyed, and shows the next ink blot.**

David: "Your momma and your grandmomma having sex together in a bed."

**Psychiatrist is extremely furious now, but tries to hide his anger as he shows the next ink blot.**

David: "Your wife when I nailed her last night."

**Psychiatrist begins to punch and maul David furiously**.

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a man looking down over a cliff. He looks down and sees a rock underneath his feet. He grabs it and throws it over the edge... only to have it fall from the sky and back down the edge of the cliff in a never ending cycle**

Man: "What the fu-..."

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows E.T. the extraterrestrial in a phone booth dialing a number.**

E.T.: "Hello? Mom? Yeah! Hey.. it's uh... it's E.T... um... yeah! Yeah,I wanted to phone you a little earlier, but I kinda got involved in some stuff and this kid held me hostage and... well it's a long story. Point is I'll be home in about ten megacycles. Ok?... Ok...can you warm up my dinner for me?... Thanks mom, bye."

**E.T. hangs up and walks out of the phone booth.**

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a soccer game, and as the referee calls a foul on one of the players, that player stomps up to the ref and starts yelling.**

Player: "Are you **bleep**ing kidding me? That was completely in the line you mother **bleep**ing **bleep** sucking **bleep**!I swear to god if you don't take that back, I'm going to **bleep** on your **bleep**ing mother **bleep bleep bleep**. And I'll make your kids watch as I **bleep** straight up your **bleep** on the side of your mothers **bleep** so that when she **bleep**s you'll have to turn her upside down!"

**Everyone in the crowd stares, and the referee goes wide eyed and blows his whistle.**

Referee: "Correction! No foul! Carry on..."

**The player shoves the ref's head to his butt and farts in his face**.

Player: "That's what I thought you little **bleep**."

**The ref starts to shake... and then starts to cry as the player leaves**.

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen goes to a guy driving his convertible**.

Guy: "Oh man! I just love driving my new convertible. Not only does it have eighteen cup holders, but it also has turbo air conditioning, ejector seats, but it also has a flamethrower!"

**The guy presses a button as the car's hood opens and reveals a large flamethrower. The flamethrower goes off and engulfs the car in front of him in flames. The flaming car goes off road and explodes**.

Guy: "Hehe, and my wife said I was crazy for paying two dollars extra for that flamethrower..."

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a father and his son getting ready to put the son to bed**.

Father: "Ok son, lights out. Good night."

Son: "Daddy, will you tell me a story?"

Father: "A story? Ok, sure."

**The father sits down and the son sits up in his bed**.

Father: "Once upon a time, there was a daddy getting ready to put his son to bed, but the son wouldn't go to sleep until he was told a bedtime story. So the father told him a story, and do you know what happened after that?"

**The son shakes his head**.

Father: "The son was murdered by Chester. The maniacal chainsaw-wielding pink bunny as punishment for not doing as the father told him to do, and just before the son died of blood loss, the son reached out to his father and asked him why he deserved this. The father didn't answer, and he simply left his son to die. Do you know what happened after that?"

**The son, who is wide eyed by now, shakes his head.**

Father: "The father lived happily ever after! The end."

**The father leaves the room, turns off the light, and shuts the door... just as growling can be heard from outside the son's window.**

**-Screen changes channel-**

**The screen shows a man shooting another man in the side of his head, and just as the bullet collides, the man's brain shoots out of the man's ear and plops to the floor.**

Man with the gun: "Whoops... you know all this time I thought that was a figure of speech..."

**-Screen changes channel-**

**A man is shown working on a table saw inside a workshop, and someone dressed in purple and green clothing starts to gayly prance into the workshop. The man, who's name was Gary, starts to bend over towards the guy on the table saw, who's name was Brian.**

Gary: "Hiya Brian!"

Brian groans at this, and sighs. "What do you want, Gary?"

Gary: "I just came to see what you were doing all by your little lonesomes in here!"

Brian rubs his nose. "I'm working on a bench, Gary. Now go away."

Gary giggles and jumps up and down. "Oooo a bench! Can I help? Maybe we could paint it turquoise afterwards!"

Brian sighs. "No Gary! Everyone knows that gay people can't handle power tools."

Gary: "Nonsense you little silly! Ooooo what does THIS do?"

Gary picks up a power drill and starts it up, waving it around.

Brian: "NO Gary no! Put that down!"

Gary: "Ooooo it's all spinny and stuff!"

**Brian, through attempts to get Gary to let go of the drill... eventually gets turbo drilled directly in the forehead and lies dead on the floor. Gary, who's still hold the drill, giggles.**

Gary: "Tehe... oppsie daisies! You ok dokey down there Brian?"

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen goes to a commercial, and it shows a little kid getting beat up by a larger kid.**

Announcer: "Hey kid! Are you tired of getting beat up for your lunch money every other day?"

**The kid gets punched in the face, and with a dazed expression... he nods.**

Announcer: "Well then you need to try our new product... Bully-Be-Gone!"

Kid: "Bully-Be-Gone?"

Announcer: "Yes! Bully-Be-Gone! It's a magical spray that targets the people you hate most of all!"

**The kid suddenly gets a purple spray can with an icon that has the word "Bully" in it crossed out. The kid sprays it at the kid beating him up, and the larger kid starts to choke and keels over on the floor.**

Kid: "Wow! Thanks Bully-Be-Gone!"

Announcer: "Bully-Be-Gone has multiple uses! Did your teacher give you an unfair grade? Make her change her mind with Bully-Be-Gone!"

**A teenager who has a paper with a large "F" on it starts to spray the Bully-Be-Gone at his teacher. The teacher begins to hold her throat, choke, and collapses to the floor.**

Teenager: "Thanks Bully-Be-Gone!"

Announcer: "Is your sister taking too long in the bathroom? Gas her out of there with Bully-Be-Gone!"

**The screen shows a kid outside a bathroom door. He cracks the door slightly and starts to spray the Bully-Be-Gone into the room... Soon after a large girl with a towel wrapped around her starts limbing out of the bathroom choking like crazy and collapses outside the door.**

Kid: "Golly! Thanks Bully-Be-Gone!"

Announcer: "Bully-Be-Gone works on bullies, teachers, sisters, parents, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, police officers in pursuit of you, your best friend, you ex-best friend, your dog, your cat, your armadillo, your principal, your parol officer, your detention officer, your local court judge, store clerks, bank clerks, clerks who work for the CIA, the president of the united states, the senator, the governor, and so much more! Buy a can of Bully-Be-Gone, and spray all your troubles away!"

**A group of kids hold up cans of Bully-Be-Gone to the screen.**

Group of kids: "Thanks Bully-Be-Gone!"

Announcer: "Warning, sideeffectsofBully-Be-... ichyness,dryness,swellingoffskin,explosivediarea,implosivediarea,projectilevomiting,turninginsideout, andkeelingoverunexpectedly. -Be-Gonemaynotberightforyou... Buy some today!"

**-Screen changes channel-**

**-Credits Roll-**

**-Bonus Clip-**

Psychiatrist is still beating David to a pulp, and Psychiatrist shoves an ink blot into David's face.

Psychiatrist: "This does NOT look like my MOMMA!"


	2. Episode 2

**The opening theme of "Robot Chicken" plays, and the first scene plays.**

**The screen shows two guys sitting on a couch watching television**

Guy #1: "Uh oh."

Guy #2: "What's the matter?"

Guy #1: "Um... I kinda have to fart."

Guy #2: So... go ahead and do it."

Guy #1: "Are you sure?"

Guy #2: "Yeah! Sure, it's just us guys man, nothing to be embarrassed about."

Guy #1: "Well, even so. My farts are kind of... irregular."

Guy #2: "Oh, you mean like you **bleep** your pants whenever you do it?"

Guy #1: "What? No! It's just that uh..."

Guy #2: "Look man, I won't judge. Just let 'er ripe."

Guy #1: "Ok... if you say so..."

**Guy #1 stands up and unleashes his fart. As he does this a huge gust of wind blows around the room, and the entire wall, along with the half of the couch Guy #1 was sitting on gets blown away. Guy #1 takes a sigh of relief as he turns around.**

Guy #1: "Much better."

**Guy #2 only stares as a huge chunk of his house's wall along with half of his couch is missing. Guy #2 looks out the hole in the wall to see his wall and the couch still flying away in the distance.**

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a bunch of elementary school kids in a classroom taking a test.**

Teacher: "Alright class, you may begin your tests. Remember, no cheating."

**Time passes as everyone works on their own test... until one kid looms over to the right and peeks at the neighboring kid's paper. The teacher walks over and glares at the kid.**

Teacher: "Excuse me Billy."

Billy: "Um... yes?"

Teacher: "Were you just spying on another classmate's paper?"

Billy: "Uh... no ma'am."

Teacher: "Oh, I think you were."

Billy: "No ma'am! I wasn't!"

Teacher: "I'm absolutely sure you were... and do you know what that means?"

Billy: "No no please ma'am I won't do it again! PLEASE!"

**The teacher smiles and pulls out a remote control. She presses a big red button on it, and as she does, Billy's desk gets swallowed by a trap door that opens beneath him. The desk returns a few seconds later... without Billy sitting in it.**

Teacher: "Continue your tests children, and remember, you didn't see anything."

Kids (in unison): "We didn't see anything."

**-Screen changes channel-**

**The screen shows the TARDIS from the hit british TV series "Dr. Who". A guy walks by it and looks at the TARDIS.**

Guy: "Ah! Perfect!"

**The guy opens the TARDIS and walks inside. He shuts the door, and a faint zipping noise can be heard along with a series of loud farts afterwards. Some loud grunts and groans also accompany this farting.**

Guy: "Ahhhhh that's better... wow wow wow WOW! Wait just a second here... there's no toilet paper in here!"

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a board meeting with George Lucas as the chairmen along with a few other businessmen.**

George Lucas: "Ok guys, we need new creature ideas for the Star War series. Lay em on me."

Business man #1: "Ok, how about we put a cat's head on a raptor's body, and we'll call it a 'Captor'."

George Lucas: "Next..."

Business man #2: "We could always reconsider the idea to put a sentient species of living toasters on the planet-..."

George Lucas: "For the last time Artie, we're not going to consider your piece of **bleep** ideas!"

Business man #2: "You guys NEVER respect my opinion!"

**Business man #2 runs out of the room crying.**

George Lucas: "What else do we got?"

Business man #3: "Ok, how about this. We can have a bunch of multi-colored aliens with antennas on their heads and televisions on their bellies. We can call them... the teletubbies..."

George Lucas: "Aren't the teletubbies already taken?"

**Business man #3 laughs, and shakes his head.**

Business man #3: "George George George... you have so much to learn. Everyone knows when you're rich and well respected, you can take all the ideas you want and people can't do **bleep** about it!"

George Lucas: "Good point, let's go with the teletubbies idea!"

Businessmen (in unison): "Here here!"

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a basketball player making a slam dunk at the basketball hoop. As he makes the dunk, he slams the ball in a holds the rail. The basketball player looks down below himself.**

Basketball player: "Wow! I did it! I did a slam dunk and I'm a WHITE guy!... but uh... now that I'm up here... how do I get down?"

**-Screen switches channel-**

**The screen shows a man being chased by a mummy. The mummy groans and moans as he slowly creeps towards the man, and as they both reach a dead end, the man takes out a machete and cuts the mummy's arm off. The mummy groans in pain and the moans suddenly turn into a human-sounding cry of pain.**

Mummy: "OW OW OW! Oh my god man! Why the **bleep** did you do that? You cut my **bleep**ing arm off! I need that for... stalking and...moaning and...creeping slowly and **bleep**."

Man: "Oh god, I'm... I'm so sorry I just got... a little caught up in the moment is all. Are... are you ok?"

Mummy: "Well the pain is definitely declining, that's a good sign."  
Man: "Um... maybe... maybe if we get to the hospital we can-..."  
Mummy: "No no no it's fine... really it's fine. I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Once a mummy's arm is off it's off for good. There's no way to reattach it."

Man: "Well you'd be surprised at modern medical science. I mean-..."

Mummy: "It's fine really! I... I don't even have the money to pay for the procedure."

Man: "Oh... um... are you... going to be ok?"  
Mummy: "I think so, but this kinda screws me over since I was going to go to the bank tomorrow to get a lone for some new traps... but since I kinda sign my name with my left hand and all..."

Man: "Oh, I'm sorry."

Mummy: "Nah. I guess it's kinda my fault to... I mean if I didn't scare the living **bleep** outta ya in the first place this wouldn't have happened."

Man: "Yeah...so uh... are we cool?"

Mummy: "I guess so."

**-Screen changes channel-**

**The screen shows the series' signature Robot Chicken nerd playing the computer... looking at porn.**

Nerd: "Ah... boobies."

Announcer: "Hey you!"

Nerd: "Who me?"

Announcer: "Yes you!"

Nerd: "Dad! Is that you finally coming to claim ownership of me?"

Announcer: "Um... no... no sorry."

Nerd: "Aw..."

Announcer: "Are you tired of looking at pictures of boobies and want to see the real thing?"

Nerd: "Well yes I suppose, why do you ask?"  
Announcer: "Then we have the product for you! The stupid dumbs***s guide to getting boobies!"

Nerd: "Oh boy! Boobies!"

Announcer: "This guide has exactly 371 methods for you to strategically get a glimpse of a girl's chest!"

**The stupid dumbs***s guide to getting boobies suddenly appears in the Nerd's hands.**

Nerd: "Oh boy! Boobies!"

Announcer: "Are you small and sneaky? Then perhaps you should try method #84!"

**The nerd is suddenly shown in the girl's bathroom hiding inside a locker.**

Nerd (whispering): "Oh boy, I'm finally going to see boobies!"

**The girls suddenly start to walk in the bathroom.**

Girl #1: "Hang on, I gotta grab my towel."

**Girl #1 opens the locker that the nerd is in, and he starts to get pummeled by the girls.**

Girls (in unison): "Take this you PERVERT!"

Announcer: "Method #84 not working out for you? Try method #45!"

**The nerd is now shown on a trampoline trying to peek into a girl's room on the 2****nd**** floor.**

Nerd (now with a black eye): "This outta work for sure!"

**The nerd tries to catch a glimpse of the girl, but she notices him bobbing up and down by her window, and takes out her pepper spray and sprays the Nerd every time he jumps back up on the trampoline.**

Announcer: "Are you still not having any luck? Try method #20!"

**The nerd is now shown with a black eye and a red face in the mall, and he walks up to a girl browsing cell phones.**

Nerd: "Excuse me ma'am, I am a licensed boobies inspector and I have reason to believe that your boobies are not up to standards, please show me them so that I may obtain confirmation."

**The Nerd flashes a fake badge and the girl examines it.**

Girl (in a really deep voice): "Sure."

**The Nerd gasps at this voice and runs away.**

Announcer: "Still no luck? Well if you're really that pathetic, you should try method #-..."

Nerd: "Wait a second!"

Announcer: "What is it?"

Nerd: "So far I've been beaten up, sprayed in the face, and scarred for life! Are you sure that this guide really works?"

Announcer: "Well... to be honest it's still in the prototype stage. You were our guinea pig."

**The Nerd goes to his fireplace and starts to burn the book.**

Nerd: "I think I'm going to stick with internet porn."

**-Screen switches channel-**

**-Credits Roll-**

**-Bonus Clip-**

"**The Doctor" from the hit british TV series "Dr. Who" starts to walk up to the TARDIS as the man from before exits it. The Doctor opens up the TARDIS and gasps.**

The Doctor: "Oh my god!... AGAIN!"


	3. Episode 3

**The opening theme of "Robot Chicken" plays, and the first scene plays.**

**The screen shows Hitler playing golf about to make his putt.**

Hitler: "Vier!"

**Hitler hits the golf ball and as it flies, it hits the head of someone in the distance and the golf ball blows up.**

Hitler: "Haha! Hagel Adolf!"

**A nazi soldier is then seen acting as Hitler's caddy, and hands him another golf ball.**

Nazi Soldier: "Very good sir, another one bites de dust."

Hitler: "Ya, it was very good idea to golf at Lexington golf club, everyone knows only Jews golf heir."

**The nazi soldier nods, and examines the score board.**

Nazi soldier: "You are still behind by ten points though, sir."

Hitler: "Is not my fault! Saddam Husain is cheating!"

**Saddam Husain is shown with Tiger Woods, and Tiger Woods is about to putt.**

Saddam: "Now remember Mr. Woods, you win game, and we will not blow up Nike shoe company when my followers invade United States with big Arab army."

Tiger Woods: "And?..."

**Saddam sighs.**

Saddam: "Fine... we will also not blow up Netflix."

Tiger Woods: "Deal."

**Tiger Woods putts and the golf ball blows up a golf cart.**

Saddam: "HAHA! Golf carts means twenty more points!"

Hitler: "Gott dammit!"

**-Screen switches channel-**

**A random guys is walking the streets off to work, whistling a tune, and then suddenly another guy runs up to the first guy with a huge smile.**

Guy #2: "Kawaii no in 5!...4!"

Guy #1: "Wait... what?"

Guy #2: "3!"

Guy #1: "What are you..."

Guy #2: "2!"

Guy #1: "Oh god what's going to happen?"

Guy #2: "1!"

**Guy #1 hides behind his briefcase waiting for something bad to happen.**

Guy #2 (in a very quiet voice): "Nuuuuuu..."

**Guy #2 runs off, and Guy #1 is left standing there.**

Guy #1: "What the f-"

**-Screen switches channel-**

**Bob the builder is seen on the phone with someone.**

Bob the builder: "Absolutely chief!"

**Bob hangs up the phone and walks outside where his machines are.**

Bob: "Good news guys! We got hired to fix the town bridge! Can we fix it?"

Machines (in unison): "Probably not!"

Bob: "But are we going to try?"

Machines (in unison): "Sure O K!"

**A black car with a symbol of the CIA rolls up and parks in front of Bob's house**

CIA Agent: "Excuse me sir, is there a Mr. Bob Builder in this residence?"

Bob: "Why, yes there is!"

CIA Agent: "We're here to confiscate your machines. We have reason to believe you're holding alien technology."

Bob: "Um... w-...what? What are you talking about? I'm just using my construction equipment to fix things, that's what this whole **bleep**ing show is about!"

CIA Agent: "Sir. Your machines are sentient and can think for themselves. Doesn't that seem a little odd?"

Bob: "Well no, this is a show for preschoolers after all."

**The CIA Agent clicks on his earpiece and begins to talk into it.**

CIA Agent (whispering): "Sir, permission to apprehend suspect. I have reason to believe he's crazy. He thinks he's on a television show."

Earpiece: "Permission granted."

**The CIA Agent tasers Bob the Builder and drags him into his car, as Bob begins to become unconscious, he sees his machines being towed away by black cars.**

Bob: "Wait... I... I need to make sure their oil is changed and... uh..."

**Bob is knocked unconscious and is dragged into the vehicle. Afterwards, the CIA Agent gets into his car with another driver in the driver seat. The CIA Agent looks at the driver.**

CIA Agent: "What's our next assignment?"

Driver: "We're going to Mexico to apprehend someone known to the locals as 'Handy Manny'. Apparently his hand tools are alive. Afterwards we're going to a neighboring town in Mexico to get a little girl's talking backpack, map, and monkey. I believe she's known as 'Dora the Explorer'."

CIA Agent: "Dora the Explorer? Sounds like a drug dealer's name."

Driver: "Meh... Mexicans and their alien technology. Go figure."

CIA Agent: "Let's roll."

**-Screen Switches Channel-**

**A man is shown texting someone outside of a cafe, and another man runs up and throws his table over.**

Man #2: "RAAAA Kawaii no in 5!"

Man #1: "What the.."

Man #2: "4!"

Man #1: "Oh my god what are you-.."

Man #2: "3! 2!"

Man #1: "Help this man has a bomb!"

Man #2: "1!"

**Man #2 bends over and goes right into Man #1's face and says...**

Man #2 (quietly): "Nuuuuuuu."

**Man #2 runs off leaving Man #1 just sitting there.**

**-Screen Switches channel-**

**The screen switches to a high school class in the middle of a dodgeball match. Two guys are left on the field and Guy #1 hits Guy #2 in the face. Guy #2 collapses and Guy #1 gasps.**

Guy #1: "Oh my god! um... uh... did I really hit him that hard? Oh man... oh wow his nose is bleeding. Oh um... should...should I get the nurse or something? Oh wow, come to think of it I don't think his leg is suppose to bend that way. Is... is he breathing? Oh no he's coughing, that must mean his breathing. Maybe... should I... I don't know what to do should I... put pressure on it? Put an ice pack on it? Should I call an ambulance? I'm going to call an ambulance just in case. Oh! um... can someone get a towel for this guy's blood? Seriously it's getting all over my shoe. I really don't want this to look like I murdered him when the paramedics get here."

**-Screen Switches Channel-**

**Light Yagami from the hit anime "Death Note" is shown walking along with his notebook of death underneath his arm. He walks by as a man suddenly has a heart attack.**

Guy# 1: "Wow! Are you Light Yagami from Death Note? How amazing! Hey, that guy just had a heart attack. Did you kill him?"

Light: "Yes..."

Guy #1: "Oh wow! He must have been a criminal then, right? What'd he do?"

Light: "He took the last package of Hot Pockets at the supermarket I was at yesterday."

Guy #1: "Um... excuse me?"

**Guy #1 is seen walking by the movie theater and sees Light Yagami leaning against the building. A man about to go into the theater starts to have a heart attack and dies**

Guy #1: "Wow Light! Two criminals in a row today! What did that guy do?"

Light: "He took the last ticket to 'I am Number Four'. I really wanted to see that movie."

Guy #1: "Um... what?"

**Guy #1 is driving by the cafe and spots Light Yagami sitting there. He suddenly sees a man exiting the cafe having a heart attack.**

Guy #1: "Oh come on Light what did THAT guy do? Take the last coffee scone?"

Light: "No, I overheard a conversation that him and a few friends were going to assassinate Rebecca Black."

Guy #1: "Ok now you're just being **bleep**ing ridiculous!"

**-Screen Switches Channel-**

**Two guys having lunch together in an office are shown, and one guy walks by and looks over to one of the gentlemen.**

Guy #1: "Excuse me sir, would you happen to have the time?"

Guy #2: "Why sure, it's 3 o'-..."

**An explosion suddenly occurs from Guy #2's watch, and after the explosion the three men are just sitting there in an empty office.**

Guy #2: "HAHA! April fools! We rigged your watch with an explosive that's voice activated whenever you say the word 'three'!"

**Another explosion occurs, and the three men are laying on the floor bleeding and crippled**

Guy #1: "What the **bleep** is wrong with you."

**-Screen Switches Channel-**

**-Credits Roll-**

**-Bonus Clip-**

*The CIA Agents from a previous sketch are shown fighting over Boots with Dora the Explorer

Dora the Explorer: "NO! Don't take Boots! He's my best friend!"

CIA Agent: "Come on little girl. We need to take this monkey to a government lab so we can stick very large and painful needles into him so we can... I mean... show him over to a luxury resort where he can be pampered."

Dora the Explorer: "If we wanted to go to a resort we would ask Map for that!"

Driver: "Sir! I found a talking blue bull and a purple squirrel who speaks Spanish over here!"

CIA Agent: "Grab them too!"


End file.
